You know what they say, Denial ain't just a river in Africa! One of the most pervading and delusional aspects of addiction is our ability or inability to differentiate the truth from the false during our using. It is actually quite common for addicts and alcoholics to see somewhat of an entirely different reality than what it is actually in front of them. Denial is a very natural thought process for everyone on the planet, however, it is usually only associated with death, loss, or a sad event. However, for addicts, denial presents itself as an entire lack of perspective in many different regards. For example, an addict is never fully aware just how bad their disease really is, and for the most part, or at least in my own experience, active addicts often think they have the whole thing pretty well hidden from their friends and loved ones. The concept of denial generally stems from a skewed perception in the mind of addicts and alcoholics. Most people, even non-alcoholics, don't want to admit that they are flawed, or that they may need help sometimes. That being said, it comes as no surprise that addicts and alcoholics, who suffer from a disease of the mind, care to admit that they don’t have everything under control. It can be a hard pill to swallow, especially when none of us ever meant to become an addict. Did you ever tell yourself, when you first started using that it would never happen to you? That you would never let it get that bad? And then once it started to get that bad you...
Addicts and Alcoholics, while using, are not really known for being the most honest, or enjoyable people to be around. On the other hand, once these people put down the booze and the drugs and work a program, the transition that takes place in such a short amount of time can be astounding. They regain their humanity, their compassion, and their sense of responsibility. They learn new tools to deal with life, and for the most part, they become pretty happy, successful people. However, “If an alcoholic failed to perfect and enlarge his spiritual life through work and self-sacrifice for others, he could not survive the certain trials and low spots ahead.” Page 14 Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous For those of us who have recovered from the battle of active using and drinking, we are able to immediately spot a person who is either not working a program, or who is letting their program slowly slip away. There are always signs that a person is struggling. Spotting a relapse can be as simple as connecting a few dots. When we were out ripping and running, all we knew was using. Once we start to gain some sobriety, the difference in who we are as people becomes astonishing. Where once we were liars, cheaters, and manipulators, we have now become honest, hardworking, and humble (for the most part) people. It is a sure sign that a person is working a strong program when they can not only admit when they are wrong but usually choose to do the “right thing” straight from the jump. When a person falls back into their...
One of the most critical aspects of getting and staying sober is creating a reliable network of sober supports. What at first seems like the most awkward thing we have to do, eventually becomes one of the greatest blessings that the program gives to us. If you are new to the recovery game, don’t fret, here is a quick rundown of everything you need to know about sober supports. “Life will take on new meaning. To watch people recover, to see them help others, to watch loneliness vanish, to see a fellowship grow up about you, to have a host of friends - this is an experience you must not miss. We know you will not want to miss it. Frequent contact with newcomers and with each other is the bright spot of our lives.” Pg 89 The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous First of all, What is a Sober Support? Alright, so if you are the sort of drug user that I was, you may be familiar with the term “isolation.” Ring any bells? I was pretty much constantly a loner, and even when I wasn’t alone physically, I felt alone on the inside. Once we get sober, one of the main tools to maintaining our sobriety is surrounding ourselves with like minded sober supports. AKA, people who are in the rooms, are working a program, and who can help guide us through our newfound emotions and experiences. My first sober supports were my friends in halfway, and thankfully, I went to a very strict halfway so most of the other people in there had a decent...
There is a baffling phenomenon that affects only addicts and alcoholics. We are the only breed of people who have to completely destroy our lives in order to get better. In active addiction, addicts are like kamikaze pilots; in order to gain purpose, we have to destroy everything around us. However, hitting rock bottom gives us the gift of desperation that we need in order to become new people. The struggle for us to perpetually try to control and moderate our using, to just feel better for a little while, is what tears us apart. For many of us, we don’t even see a correlation in the destruction of ourselves and our using, as we only see our using as what makes us feel okay. This endless searching, the continuous cycle of using, feeling better, then feeling 100 times worse is what fills our days, and becomes the only thing we really know. It also becomes the only thing we think can ever be. How dark it is before the dawn For those of us who have hit our rock bottom, have been blessed with the gift of desperation, and have made it out the other side, the delusions of addiction are astounding. It baffles us as we get a little time and look back at our old selves and see just how sick in the head we really were. We come to not even know who that person was. However, we didn’t get here overnight. It took us a lot of searching, a lot of struggling, and a lot of killing ourselves to be given that gift of desperation....
Have you ever heard that old saying, "If you love someone, let them go, if they come back, they are yours"? Now, do you have an addict in your life whom you love to the ends of the earth but just doesn't seem to be able to stop using? Take a deep breath, it could be a teensy tiny bit your fault. Now don't freak out, I don't mean all of it. Just... maybe.. a little bit. Hear me out, I am an addict, and I have recovered from the hopeless state of mind and body of active using. I have some solid sober time under my belt, and I am confident in the fact that I have been on both the addict side and the loved one side of using. I can tell you wholeheartedly that there is nothing harder than loving an addict and being unable to help. That being said, we will sure as hell try, even though it may just be harming them. Here are some classic signs of when we may just be enabling our addict. Shelling Out Cash When They Need It This is a huge one. Although they may beg and plead for the help, we are really only prolonging their using by enabling them financially. My mother used to tell me that she would give me money because she didn't want me to resort to... "morally bankrupted motives"... in order to get high. However, if she had cut me off a long time before, I probably would have hit my bottom a lot sooner and been willing to get sober. Bend Over...
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